Wednesday 4-9 night

Again reposted from my myspace
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It has been a def interesting day.


Where do I start?

We went to Dr. Scotts office at 430 as planned.


I thought we were going to the hospital but Lance and I had a miscommunication. Hes the one that talked to her on the phone originally.



When I found out we were going to the office I was like...what? WHY?
Surely im not going to deliver in the office.



Back track a little.


1.

Im already a little pissed off because why the heck does a woman have to walk around 24 hours carrying her deceased baby inside of her?
It is a horrible feeling (and interesting enough a feeling that changed later).


But at that moment, I was very upset about it.



2. Why would you ask a woman carrying a deceased baby to go to an office where there are babies and pregnant women? Do people not understand how painful this is? Its not a lump of tissue. It is my child that was loved and wanted and planned and named and talked to and thought about and filled out hearts with joy. The demise of it is painful and it hurts to see pregnant women and babies when you are dealing with something like this.



SO i go in to the office,
nurse comes in, takes blood pressure
and starts taking stuff out of the cabinet.


gauze, boxes, all this medical crap... and im thinking
uh... am i getting a wart removed?
a tumor biopsied?

You are not touching me with anything in this office.



Dr scott came in and without even double checking for a heartbeat starts telling me
im going to give you some medicine
stick some crap in your cervix
and send you home

and im like OH HECK NO

I am not having my baby this way
I knew in my heart there was something not right about this

So I walked out crying
Lance was like..wait........wait

and well, you know me..................... buh bye.



and honestly the first thing I thought
(and I dont know why i didnt do it before)
is
I NEED TO TALK TO LINDA, SHE WILL KNOW WHAT TO DO.



Now for those of you who dont know Linda
shes my nutritionalist
she is an MNE (Master Nutritional Educator) and has done all her school but she does not use medicine or anything unnatural
I mean, if you break your arm yeah shes going to send you to get a cast DUH... shes not weird
band aids ok
ultrasounds ok
shes not a kook.



But she will opt for Gods remedy over mans any day and twice on Sunday.


and she has NEVER let me down.


She totally knows her stuff and every time I have gone to her with an ailment
and done whats she has asked
I have been cured
as have my children who are actually hardly ever sick anymore.



ok so back to the story
I called her sobbing
and she said she has JUST read my email and found out about the baby

I told her the story about what had just happened and one of the first things she asked was ...does this woman do abortions?

Which is question I never thought to ask Dr. Scott
and is important information for a christian to know about their doctor (duh me)



She said........ have you had any cramping or bleeding?
NO

Has your water broke?..............NO

She said.. then how do you know its dead?

me ---->The ultrasound?



She said "honey, those things have been known to be wrong "

and she wasnt saying it was wrong
she was just saying
look......... if your baby is deceased then your body is going to deliver it naturally.


And if its not, its going to grow some more.



God is in control of what happens to that baby.


What if its not dead
what if it is alive and you end up aborting it?

And i was like.......... OMG thats true
I mean.............. Ok so the baby may be deceased
and if so.......... God............. Jesus.......... Jehovah Rapha is my doctor
my DELIVERER!
He will deliver my baby
by natural means!

And I felt so much peace.


I honestly dont care if it takes another two weeks now
because I have peace that NOW God is in control of this
and that feels really good.



You may think im crazy but I I know this is right.


And Linda said............ Your baby may still be deceased and if it is
God is going to deliver it AND give you the strength to endure it.



true dat!



So thats what is going on
sorry this is so long
I have been on and off the phone all day (YES ME)
and I know alot of you wanted updates.


I swear I have the greatest friends ever and I am so thankful that so many of you have been in this with me.


For someone who acts all tough and pushes people away..........yeah its all fake.


Im really just a big wuss and I need yaull!
:-D

PS
Linda also said that one of her assistants had an ultrasound that said her baby had no heartbeat and they wanted her to deliver... she said no, i will deliver when God wants me to deliver and she had a healthy baby 6 weeks later!

Ok im going to sleep now
my eyes are burning
I love you guys
sorry this is so long